


Its better than not having you at all

by Matcha_Monster



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Falling in love with your best friend, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, JOE coming to terms with his sexuality, Like slow, M/M, Making Out, Mentions of Abusive Relationships, Pining, Slow Burn, Tags and rating are subject to change, at least they're unrequited for a while, friends to friends with benefits to lovers to enemies with benefits to, probably some smut, self piercing, unrequited crushes, watching your soulmate fall for someone else
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:13:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29952555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Matcha_Monster/pseuds/Matcha_Monster
Summary: Kojiro is in love Kaoru. He has been for a long time, probably since they were what, 14? He thinks about all the times he should have said it, all the times he could have, and all the times he hadn't realized it yet. He used to think keeping it in and suffering in silence was better than not having Kaoru in his life, now he isn't so sure.
Relationships: Nanjo Kojiro | Joe/Sakurayashiki Kaoru | Cherry Blossom, Sakurayashiki Kaoru | Cherry Blossom & Shindo Ainosuke | Adam
Comments: 1
Kudos: 49





	1. Rough Housing

Rough housing.

It was only rough housing. 

It's a summer afternoon, the two of them are teens at the time, laughing as they walk back from the convenience store. Kaoru fans himself with delicate flicks of his wrist, his thin fingers gripping the fan elegantly. Despite the slick of sweat on his pale skin, he manages to look regal, unlike himself. Kojiro isn’t a fan of heat, it's ironic, given the climate where they live, he’s fully aware that he probably looks like hell, sweating through the thin fabric of his school uniform. He fumbles with the top few buttons of his uniform shirt, hoping to cool off a bit. It’ll be a bit before they get where they're going, and he’d rather not get heatstroke again. 

So he zones out, Kaoru knows where they’re goin’, he was following Kaoru anyway, he usually was. Its Kojiros house they’re going back too, but his oldest friend could find his way back just as well as he could, it made it easy to zone out and just trail a few inches behind. Kaoru wasn’t exactly easy to lose track of, he could spot the sakura pink of his hair anywhere, it was such a pretty color, like cotton candy. He just wanted to bury his face in it.

Wait

“Hey” Kaoru snapped a bit, interrupting his daze as he bonked him lightly in the forehead with the tip of his paper fan. “You need to unlock the door meathead, I left my keys at home.”

“Oh, uh, yeah….” Kojiro fumbles for his keys in his back pocket, gum, cellphone, keys? No, that's another stick of gum… 

“Try the other pocket you gorilla.” Kaoru smirks a little, raising an eyebrow in question of his foolish friends actions. The green haired man reaches in, and sure as hell, there are the keys. He sighs, annoyed that he has to give Kaoru the satisfaction of being right. His friend laughs lightly, 

“Can it, four eyes'' he responds, unlocking the door quickly. The air conditioning hits him as soon as he walks through the door, he ruffles his hands through his hair, it's sticky with humidity. He hates being sticky, It's all he can do to not pull his shirt off as soon as he gets inside. 

“A creative insult, given that I don’t wear glasses.” Kaoru hums in response, lightly pushing him further inside and shutting the door. He tosses the folded paper fan to the side and pushes his own hair out of his face. He sits on the edge of the entryway, allowing himself a moment to catch his breath.

“Call it a hunch” Kojiro responds, he’ll settle for splashing cold water on his face. He turns into the bathroom, leaving Kaoru to his own devices. Kaoru knows where everything is anyway. He thinks he can hear Kaoru's footsteps moving towards the kitchen, but it's hard to hear over the faucet. He cups his hand under the water, letting it gather in his palms, splashing it on his face and running it through his hair. He has half a mind to take a shower. 

“Hey, jackass!” Kaoru calls, definitely from the kitchen. He huffs,

“Watch your language douche bag!” he calls in response “you think my parents wanna hear that foul mouth of yours?”

“Oh hush, they aren’t home. No one is.” Kojiro turns off the sink. And, looking around the house, Kaoru is right. No one is home, everyone's shoes are gone, the keys are taken from the bowl by the front door. He shrugs, more space for him and Kaoru. He shuffles into the kitchen, the last place he could think there might be some hint of where the other members of his house have gone. Almost instantly, he finds himself laughing out loud. Kaoru glowers at him a little, amber eyes trying to burn holes in him from where he stands, bent over the sink, head getting soaked in cold water as it rushes from the faucet. 

“It's hard to take you seriously when you have your head stuck under the faucet like a dog, Kaoru” he can’t help it, the image is too funny. Kaoru slaps the faucet handle down, turning off the water quickly. He wrings some of the water out of his hair, just enough to stop it from dripping so much, and grabs a towel off the counter, ruffling it through his hair to remove the excess moisture.

“I didn’t expect longer hair to be so much hotter” he snaps. His agitation is only feigned, kojiro snickers a bit. There's a bit of satisfaction in knowing he has a little something to tease Kaoru about now. “Is that funny to you?” Kaoru crosses his arms, narrowing his eyes. It's meant to be intimidating, he knows that, but… it's Kaoru. He just laughs harder, egged on by the eyeroll he gets in response.

“You look like a wet poodle” he manages to get out, sucking in air in the brief moment between laughs. Kaoru's eyebrows crinkle, his hand goes to his temples, rubbing them in annoyance as Kojiro puts every ounce of effort he can into just standing upright. He’s too busy laughing to notice the mischievous quirk of Kaorus lips. 

“Come on Kojiro, don’t knock it till you try it” Kaorus tone is edging dangerously close to pure evil. Kojiro notices too late, before he can respond, the wet towel has hit him square in the face.

“Oi!” he shouts, feigning betrayal “I can’t believe you’ve done this Kaoru” he sighs in an exaggerated manner. Kaoru Smirks, standing tall, he sets his hands haughtily on his hips, proud of himself.

“Wait, Kojiro… Kojiro no!” He shouts, laughing and dodging out of the way barely as The larger of the two tries to put him in a headlock. Kojiro grins maniacally, Kaoru smirks. 

“Oh come on Kao, don’tcha want help drying off?” he hums

“I’m faster, I'd like to see you catch me,” Kaoru responds. He pushes forward on his leg, like he’s about to bolt, Kojiro jolts the same direction. The two are at a standstill, both grinning like idiots, both waiting for the others next move. 

It's Kojiro that moves first, lunging to grab Kaoru. Kaoru, ever calculated, slips just out of reach once more, darting around him and taking a position back at the kitchen sink. He grabs the hose head faucet, holding it in front of him in one hand and hovering the other over the faucets handle. 

“My mother is going to kill you if you do that dumbass” Kojiro dares, luging slightly to gauge Kaorus reaction

“Only if I miss” Kaoru flicks the handle just long enough to spritz him, hitting him right in the chest. its a dare, and he has to take it. He lunges, properly this time, tackling Kaoru, going to grab his wrists. Kaoru hits the faucet, he is going to hit Kojiro with this water god damnit and he doesn’t care if he goes down with him. Kaoru and Kojiro go down, laughing as the sink head flies out of Kaorus hand and sprays water up at the ceiling and all around the kitchen, misting cold water down on them as they hit the floor. Kojiro has him pinned, wrists pressed against the cabinet doors behind him, crouching over him as he holds his friend down. There's a small thud as Kaoru hits the doors, but it only makes him laugh harder. “You meat head now there's water all over the kitchen” Kaoru wheezes out, Kojiro bursts out laughing, he slums forward, laughing into Kaoru's soaking wet uniform shirt. Kaoru doubles over, and both of them find themselves on the floor, laughing harder than they had in months. 

“Ko-Kojiro the sink!!!” He forces out, trying to muster up a serious attitude, at this point, they were laying in a rapidly growing puddle. It isn’t until They both hear someone on the porch that they both manage to pull themselves together for a minute. Kaoru manages to pull himself together at least enough to only occasionally giggle, and Kojiro pushes himself up to try and peak through the entrance to the kitchen and see who it might be. 

“Ah um…. Kojiro” Kaoru clears his throat.

“Hm?” Kojiro takes a moment to register that Kaoru is talking, he’s too busy squinting at the door trying to guess who the hell it is. It takes him a minute, but he realizes he’s on top of Kaoru. On his hands and knees, staring down at him. Kaoru's hair is fanned out behind him, soaking in the water pooling on the ground beneath him. His hair really is getting long... Kojiro thinks, he just wants to reach out and- He feels his cheeks flush, red with the realization of the position they’re in. “Oh uh, wouldn’t wanna crush your scrawny ass” he blurts out, squirming off of him quickly. 

“I’m gonna go check the door” Kaoru replies, straight faced as he pulls off his now soaked shirt and tosses it aside. He strides out of the room, pulling a jacket off the coat rack before answering the door. He says something, Kojiro thinks. It doesn’t process, all of his energy is going into figuring out why his heart is racing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave some comments about your own head cannons!


	2. 1-4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kojiro remembers 4 things about Kaoru, and embarrasses himself somewhat.

  1. Kaoru was a perfectionist. 



Kojiro had been feeling a little smug that day as he rode circles around the empty space under the bridge.

“Come on Kaoru can’t you go any faster?” he hummed, feigning boredom. He didn’t actually mind waiting that much, but Kaoru’s expression was funny when he was annoyed, especially when the source of that irritation was Kojiro once again breaking his concentration. It had been easy to do the last week, Whatever had been rolling around Kaoru's brain had been making the pink haired zone out even more than usual. Besides, teasing was a pillar of any good friendship. And then there was the fact that Kaoru couldn’t stand the fact that the green haired boy was better than him at this. It wasn’t like he was even that much better at skateboarding but, a little bit was more than enough. The other scowled at him from his position seated on the ground, adjusting his bearings and trucks as Kojiro rolled lazily past him once again, smiling goofily and sticking his hands further into his pockets. Kaoru huffed at him, rolling his eyes and standing. Kojiro watched carefully as his friend put his foot on the board, pushing his foot forward and back to test the effects of his adjustments. Seeming to be satisfied, he joined Kojiro. It was easy enough for Kaoru to catch him, he was lighter and had longer legs.

2\. Kaoru hums when he’s deep in thought.

Right then, for example, he was humming some tune, classical music Kojiro guessed, he wasn’t sure. It was easy to get distracted by it though, Kaoru's voice was nice as is, it had a smooth quality to it, and that quality picked up nicely when he was humming. His hair was well past his shoulders now, it whipped up in the summer breeze, trailing behind him softly like blossoms falling from a branch, his amber eyes are fixed in concentration, not about what was ahead of him though, not, there wasn’t anything ahead for him to be looking at, only the warm colors of the setting sun. His gaze was fixed on some far off thought, lost in some variables Kojiro couldn’t begin to imagine. He couldnt’ help it, really, maybe it was the new clothes, or the way he had styled his hair, or the light spray of freckles starting to show itself on his pale skin. Whatever it was, it was magnetic to Kojiro's gaze the same way Kaoru’s thoughts were to him. The why of Kojiro's staring didn’t really matter, Kaoru wasn’t exactly hard to look at, and besides Kaoru wasn’t paying attention to him anyway  _ God he looks good when he’s deep in thought, no wonder he’s popular with girls _ , it wasn’t like he would even notice him looking. Except that it was Kaoru, and of course, he had noticed eventually.

“What are you staring at?” Kaoru asked, looking away from his thoughts for just long enough to shoot him a quizzical look. Kojiro felt his ears heat up a bit, Kaoru probably hadn’t noticed though, he had gone right back into staring off into the distance. Kojiro sighed, quietly. “Well?” Kaoru demanded, it wasn’t especially firm, but Kojiro has heard him use that tone before, usually on whatever object he was tinkering with or Kojiro's own younger siblings. He knew not answering wasn’t an option.

“Just thinking about how pretty you’d be if you were a girl” The answer just slipped out. He wished he could put the words back in. 

_ Maybe Kaoru didn’t hear?  _

Kaoru’s head snapped over to look at him, Kojiro grinned, sheepishly.

_ Shit. _

_ No, he definitely heard me. _

__ Kaoru looked, for once, dumbstruck, he didn’t at all know how to respond and it was apparent in his expression. In any other circumstance, Kojiro might be proud of that. He forced out a laugh, knowing full well Kaoru would probably see right through it. Kaoru raised his eyebrows, slowing slightly as his attention fell away from the board and his own thoughts. Kojiro had thoughts of slowing too, it was taking all his will power not to go completely red in the face. They both came to a slow stop at the same time, Kaoru looked him up and down, trying to look for any indication or clue about what had just happened, looking for the joke maybe? For Kojiro to pull something out of his pocket or  _ something.  _ Kojiro laughed a bit once more, this time sounding decidedly more nervous than he wanted to. “ bad joke, sorry.” he spits out quickly, praying for once that Kaoru will just call him an idiot and move on. 

Instead, he gets, “Mhm….”. And Kaoru looks away from him, reaching into his pocket and looking at something on his phone. He still looks confused, but at least he isn’t looking at Kojiro anymore. Still, the awkwardness is palpable. What the hell had he been thinking? It was too quiet,  _ god if this is why Kaoru stops hanging out with me i’m gonna - _

Kaoru, finally, thank god, broke the silence. 

“I’m kind of hungry.” He stated it firmly, seeming to have shaken off his confusion entirely. “Burgers?”

“We always have burgers, why don’t we just get a pizza” Kojiro groans. He’s grateful for the change in subject but he knows he isn’t going to win the food debate. 

“You can just order something else, Besides, you order way too much meat on the pizza.” Kaoru retorts.

“Yeah yeah lets just get going” Kojiro hums, absentmindedly rolling his board back and forth with his foot. He was still zoning out somewhat, somehow unable to banish whatever had caused him to say that from his Brain. 

“Last one there pays.” Kojiro barely has time to register it before Kaoru zips off.

“Oi that's no fair you have to at least count it off!!” He shouts after him, kicking off as soon as he gets half a mind to take action at Kaorus taunt. Kaoru didn't respond though, he only focused on winning and whatever else was taking up space in his mind. 

3\. Kaoru listens to music when he’s nervous.

He listens to it for other reasons too, sometimes music could be a good motivator to go faster or work out harder. If that had been why Kaoru was blasting something in his earbuds just loud enough that Kojiro could hear it but not make it out, it had worked. Kojiro, still embarrassed, had been taken out by a bike rack in a truly spectacular show of spacing out, and Kaoru had probably beaten someone's speed record.

Maybe he wasn’t better than Kaoru.  _ Nevermind that.  _

Kaoru was staring out the window, leaning on his palm and absentmindedly flipping his finger over the buttons on his mp3 player. Kojiro could hear his stomach growl, but he seemed to have forgotten why they’d come here in the first place. It was Kojiros worry about his own actions that made him decide not to bother him. He knew what Kaoru wanted anyway. Kaoru had always been picky, there was only a handful of things he’d order from any given restaurant, this place was no exception to that. 

Kaoru was still spacing out when he returned to the table. Kojiro kicked his ankle, lightly, just enough to get his attention, Kaoru pulled out one earbud and looked at him. The sense of relief Kojiro felt when Kaoru looked at him with a familiar expression, complete confusion and annoyance, once more was like a weight being lifted from him. 

“That's only enough food for me you ape.” Kaoru snaps a bit, pulling out his earbuds and stashing the mp3 in his pocket in one fluid motion.

“I left my wallet at home, I paid for it with the cash I keep in my phone case.” Kojiro grinned, looking far too proud for what he had just said. Kaoru stared at him, mouth slightly agape for a moment. “And you said it was a bad idea” he teased.

“Sometimes when i say this, i’m joking.” He started, standing up and collecting their skateboards from their place leaning against the bench next to him. “But Kojiro, you’re a fucking idiot” He cracked a little smile, Kojiro couldn’t help but smile back.

“I’m an idiot you can talk to, you know” He said it softly, with no hint of teasing or jest behind it. He means it, whether its something he’d done, or something else, if it was upsetting Kaoru, he wanted to know. Kaorus gaze softens, slightly.

“I know Kojiro,” his reply is just as sincere. Its the fact that they can talk like that that reminds Kojiro of the essential fact of there friendship. Its going to take more than some accidental, stupid remark, to ruin things between him and Kaoru. “thank you.” Kaoru leaned forward, taking a sip of his drink, and beckoned for Kojiro to follow him, he’d done so happily. 

4\. He’d follow Kaoru anywhere, after all.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title of this document in my google drive is Slowwwwwwwwwwwww Burn. because much like my dumb queer ass in highschool, its gonna take Kojiro a while to figure out why.


End file.
